The Crazy Catholic

Conversion is much like lifting  the layers of paint from a piece of wood that has been painted over and over again to get to the bare wood.

Tom reminded me of something, what can I say I am a bit dense, that we are all fallen human beings and do everything imperfectly. Forgiveness and repentance included. I have a friend who believes that unless someone repents you can’t really forgive someone, or rather you can only forgive to a point. I don’t know if that is true or not, I know that I have my  stumbling blocks. But when you have both an atheist and people of faith telling you you must forgive, even my skull isn’t that thick.

Will I forgive being told what I was in word and action? I have to if I call myself a follower of Christ, a Christian who believes it, lives it and does it. I just don’t know if it will be something that is soon or even before events that will happen in June and I still wonder though, does it have to, can I forgive that and forgive the circumstances and realize that it was horrible thing to do but the circumstance it was done in was a lie? That Christ does not reject me.

Every Saint Has A Past…

Every Sinner A Future…

With every sin we are Judas, with every asking of forgiveness we are Peter saying “I love you” to Christ.

I guess I am entering into my “lent” if you will, I keep thinking over my 30 pieces of silver… What Lent is for. I keep thinking over one incident that makes me doubt that I am on the right path, one incident where I was told by actions and words that I had no value in this world and to just kill myself. It is what I can’t forgive… that one thing. . . and I can’t help but wonder if I am on the wrong path, maybe God isn’t here and maybe the gates have prevailed.

I need to talk to Fr. C. . . . Monday… Monday.

How do you forgive someone who won’t acknowledge they did something wrong?

In the last few weeks, I have been like a dry well. The Joy is gone, the joy I had over a year ago the feeling of love and being loved in my faith is gone. It reminds me of a line in Shoes of the Fisherman “If it was mislaid where did you see it last” , I don’t know where I saw it last so did it ever exist? I thought it did.

This all leads to doubts, doubts in God, doubts that I am in the right path, doubts that lead to thoughts that I am too messed up to fix my big mistake. . .

I don’t know. . . I am just dried up and I don’t know how to refill the tank.

Father Joe writes in a recent post:

Lately I have been surfing the websites of various young people I know and have found to my dismay an enormous amount of shocking vulgarity. Frequent reference is made to sexual congress and condoms. Four letter words and gestures are liberally sprinkled by both the owners of the sites and by their friends. I am surprised that young people would allow their parents and a clergyman free access to such sites. I am moved by such trust, but not to make some comment is neither in my nature nor befitting my vocation.

Do they see no contradiction between gutter language and semi-pornographic images with their Christianity? Maybe I am old fashioned, if one who grew up in the 1960’s and 70’s could be considered such, but we always clearly saw the pejorative meaning of such things— even when we misbehaved ourselves or sought to shock others. Today there seems to be a pervasive moral blindness where even the vilest words are given peculiar neutrality or at least acceptance. It makes me cringe to see “nice boys and girls” casually accept the “f” word or give the finger or call girls (even themselves) by the “b” word.

Words are evocative and have meaning that matters. The “b” designation, while appropriate for a four-legged dog, is highly inappropriate for a daughter of Eve. A woman, young or old, should always be regarded with a deep-seated respect. While her body is an expression of her whole identity, she cannot be utterly defined by her bosom or genitalia. Lust masquerades as love and reduces the person to meat that one might devour as a disposable commodity. True love regards “the other” as sacred and as one with “incommensurate” value. Bodies might be wrongly regarded as interchangeable. Persons are unique and possess what might be termed as mystery or soul. The marital act has nothing in common with the (f) word other than some vague similarity in corporeal mechanics. Sexual love is a mutual self-giving and, for married Christians, a sign and seal of the covenant between Christ and his Church. Sexuality and the potency toward parenthood is not a trivial matter for purposes of recreation. It represents a profound ontological openness to God as Creator and to his divine providence. We were not made for ourselves, but for a higher purpose. How will our young people ever perceive such meanings when they have bought into a corrupted language which expresses a distorted meaning about themselves and sexuality?

What does all this mean, you might ask? I am sorely disappointed.

The same mouth that says “Amen” to our Lord’s body and blood should not be poisoned with words that mock God’s creation and his goodness. The hands that cradle the Lord of life should not type or gesture things that would please the demonic. Bodies which are expressions of their most intimate identities, should be treated with modesty and real respect. (Certain photos conflict with this truth.)

Do our young people not worry about their reputations? Are they comfortable with scandal? This saddens me more than I can say.

From someone who has “been there, done that”, it may simply be that they don’t know that they aren’t respecting themselves and others. They see on TV and in Music B*tch used to describe women constant references to sex and violence and this is what they emulate. Growing up is hard to do and is even harder to learn morality and good ways of thinking and relating to themselves and others when this is the example that is set. We all follow examples, good and bad, from those around us. We learn to forgive others as others forgive us, we treat others as others treat us for good or bad. Overcoming these things is sometimes hard.

It is a hard reality that the mouths that say “AMEN” at church on Sunday are the same ones that degrade themselves and others in various ways.

I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through the belief in the threeness,
Through the confession of the oneness
Of the Creator of Creation.

I arise today
Through the strength of Christ’s birth with his baptism,
Through the strength of his crucifixion with his burial,
Through the strength of his resurrection with his ascension,
Through the strength of his descent for the Judgment Day.

I arise today
Through the strength of the love of Cherubim,
In obedience of angels,
In the service of archangels,
In hope of resurrection to meet with reward,
In prayers of patriarchs,
In predictions of prophets,
In preaching of apostles,
In faith of confessors,
In innocence of holy virgins,
In deeds of righteous men.

I arise today
Through the strength of heaven:
Light of sun,
Radiance of moon,
Splendor of fire,
Speed of lightning,
Swiftness of wind,
Depth of sea,
Stability of earth,
Firmness of rock.

I arise today
Through God’s strength to pilot me:
God’s might to uphold me,
God’s wisdom to guide me,
God’s eye to look before me,
God’s ear to hear me,
God’s word to speak for me,
God’s hand to guard me,
God’s way to lie before me,
God’s shield to protect me,
God’s host to save me
From snares of demons,
From temptations of vices,
From everyone who shall wish me ill,
Afar and anear,
Alone and in multitude.

I summon today all these powers between me and those evils,
Against every cruel merciless power that may oppose my body and soul,
Against incantations of false prophets,
Against black laws of pagandom
Against false laws of heretics,
Against craft of idolatry,
Against spells of witches and smiths and wizards,
Against every knowledge that corrupts man’s body and soul.

Christ to shield me today
Against poison, against burning,
Against drowning, against wounding,
So that there may come to me abundance of reward.
Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down, Christ when I arise,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.

I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through belief in the threeness,
Through confession of the oneness,
Of the Creator of Creation.

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I WILL ban IP addresses from commenting if things continue.